this journal is semi-friends only. what does that mean? it means that the majority of my entries will be public. anything that's not will be overly personal, locked to specific people, etc. you're not missing much if you're not reading that, seriously.

( want to be friends? )

... i like how the list sort of degenerated.

All TCG posts have been moved. See truthtellers!

aaargh christ yahoo.

I, honestly, couldn't care any less about Halle Berry's new kid or a ~*90210 spinoff*~ if you put a gun to my head. You would have to stab me with burning pokers to spare it a second's thought, so please, if you don't mind, give us actual news on your front page. I want to know what's going on in Tibet, how we're all going to be fucked tomorrow when the US stock market crashes. I actually don't care about the Everest ban either, because, you know ... I don't. Once again, couldn't really care less. And, Christ, it says something about America that one of the top emailed stories is, '83-year-old woman foils purse snatcher.'

... yes.

i am so sick of the world in general lately, i swear to god :')

ALMOST DONE WITH THE NEW LAYOUT, GUYS, THEN I CAN READ MY FLIST AGAIN ;____;

Anyway, hm. I'm arranging an appointment with a psychiatrist sometime soon, because I think it's really time to switch off Lexapro. There's a noticeable difference when I've missed a few days, yes, but it's more ... depressed, apathetic, unemotional, and completely antisocial -> more emotion, but not in a necessarily good way! Anywhoozen, I'm thinking a tricyclic, because I've exclusively used SSRIs and, uh, yeah, about that. Still, if I have to go the SSRI route (which, knowing my mother, will be the case!), I'm thinking sertraline -- so, basically, Zoloft or Lustral. I also need to look at sedatives for the insomnia, because that ... uh, ain't getting any better.

I LOVE HOW MY DOCTORS LET A FIFTEEN-YEAR-OLD DECIDE HER OWN MEDICATION AND DOSAGE :'D

Aaaaanyway, on a less boring note, I

...

FUCK, GUYS, I DON'T HAVE ANYTHING ON A LESS BORING NOTE ;_;

I am feeling distinctly unfabulous right now. :(

ALSO, I have been awful about responding to comments lately. IT'S NOT YOU, IT'S ME, GUYS :\ I just ... keep. forgetting. Iiii should probably take my ADD medication, um, soonish.

ALSO ALSO, I ordered Rune Factory yesterday, so it should arrive on Mondayish. WHICH DOES NOT HELP ME IN MY CURRENT CRAMPY STATE, but will be delightful once, you know, I'm perfectly fine. Fantasy + farming = win, amirite guys :[!!!

EDIT; ALSO ALSO ALSO, I really want to make this wonton soup. SOMEONE TEST IT FOR ME ;~; (i have no ingredients!1).

If one's too mature to be a teenager and too inexperienced to be an adult, it's a very uncomfortable edge to be standing on. Le sigh.

I have SO MUCH I want to whine about, but I've decided I'm going to internalize cut down on the profuse emo-ing. SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO IN OTHER NEWS, I'm writing, tra la la, and working on a new layout. And by that, I mean staring blankly at the image I want to use. someone send help plz (and by help, I mean people with neat overrides).

LOL DAD YOU COMPLETE ASSHOLE :'D

My mom and brother are sick with the flu -- badly sick, as in my brother hasn't gotten out of bed in two days, and my mom only for food for them (lol, dad won't get them any); Arman is coughing his brains out and Mom's lightheaded and nauseated. I'm fine, so of course I'm constantly asking what I can do and running around cleaning and making myself useful, but Dad ... hasn't! He was pissed off and giving us the passive-aggressive Persian routine last night because my mother has been SO SELFISH staying in bed, and it's INEXCUSABLE how he hasn't had any dinner made for him in two days.

NOTE THAT HE'S THE ONE WHO TAUGHT HER HOW TO COOK!

So now, on my first schoolday after being absent three days, he's supposed to drop me off ... and I hear him drive away half an hour before I'm due! Mom's in no condition to drive, and I can't drive, Mom won't let me drive with any of my friends, and so now I have to deal with my school about absences, my mom on how she thinks I'm going to end up dropping out, and my teachers who are pissed I'm missing so much school (though lol not that new). And I'm sure he's going to be RIGHTEOUSLY OUTRAGED when he gets home. :DDDDDDD

DEAR DAD: GROW THE FUCK UP AND STOP ACTING LIKE A CHILD.

DEAR YAHOO! AND OTHER MASS MEDIA:

LESS THAN A FOURTH OF VOTES HAVE BEEN TALLIED IN CALIFORNIA. NO ONE'S ONE YET. POLLS AREN'T EVEN CLOSED IN SOME PRECINCTS AROUND HERE BECAUSE OF A SHORTAGE OF (DEMOCRATIC) BALLOTS. THERE IS NO 'HUGE WIN FOR CLINTON' YET, GODDAMNIT.

LOVE, JAZZY

PS: SUPPORT THE WRITERS, END THE STRIKE ♥

Note to self: if you're not going to take your medication, dear, it's your own fault when you feel like shit. Suck it up.

ANYWAY, this weekend as been the most boring thing ever, la dee da. I finally got in to a TMJD specialist about my jaw (which can't open more than an inch and a half now, joy), where we learned it's ... not TMJD! It's not that I grind my teeth, it's that I tense my jaw muscles enough so that I might as well be grinding. Blahblahblah internalizing stress, Mom's finally going to get me to a competent psychologist, and I'm supposed to do some sort of cardio for the endorphins. Also, I have to stretch the muscles by sticking tongue depressors in my mouth and gradually adding more. It makes me drool and look very attractive.

...

On the bright side, my mom bought me some calla lilies a few days ago, and my room smells very nice!

IS THAT~ YOUR HAND~ ON MY~ GIRLFRIEND~

SO I SLEPT UNTIL 9 PM. At least the headache and revulsion towards cold water gave me an excuse, but, still, 9 PM is a stretch even for me. After two ~*Advanced Pain Relief Tablets*~ (read: some crappy acetaminophen, aspirin, and a dash of caffeine) my head feels fine; however, the TMJD is slaughtering my jaw, to the point where I can't chew untoasted sliced bread.

... and yet I feel pretty good right now!

I'm going to be up all night, but no one else is, so there's no need to open my mouth and aggravate my jaw; I feel the MUSE HAS COME UPON ME, so I can write; my cat is being slightly less neurotic than usual.

ALSO, JUN: I DREAMT ABOUT SNOW GEESE :')!!!! I was at this weird indoor/outdoor zoo/aquarium type thing and they had BABY SNOW GEESE and I had to keep them from getting out of their pen or else they'd die. so it was a rather stressful event.

( and my other dream is a bit longer )

AND THE REST IS PRETTY BORING. MORE SO THAN THAT.

HI GUYS I LOVE YOU I'M SORRY I'VE VANISHED OFF THE FACE OF THE EARTH. For some reason, my flist's text is white (!!!) and so I don't think to post if I can't read my flist! So basically the only contact I've had with, er, anyone is through instant messaging and people saying HEY LOOK AT MY LATEST POST, after which I look at their journal and go "oh god when did she break her arm/get a dog/die ;_;!!!!"

... HI ILU

I finished Invisible Monsters.

Wow.

OKAY GUYS HELP ME ;_;!!!!!

I have a project due ...... in two days. SO HELP.

I NEED TO AN ACROSTIC LITTLE BOOK THING FOR 'HUCKLEBERRY FINN.'

and no more caps anyway

You kow, "H is for 'Huckleberry', U is for 'uckleberry,'" and then a paragraph of explanation, EXCEPT IT CAN'T BE THAT LAME. Each letter stands for a theme of the book or a character trait of Huck's.

... SO HELP. ♥?

( what i have already + additions )

【THE TIME CAPSULE MEME】

Comments are very much appreciated -- even if it's something stupid, or you can't think of anything good to say. I want to remember the friends I had (and hopefully will still have) ♥

I finally found hon-dashi stock, so OYAKODON IS GO \o/

well uh as soon as i get the other ingredients. which probably won't come for another few hours, considering it's 7:30 in the morning.

BUT YES I WILL REPORT ON HOW DELICIOUS IT IS UPON MY SUCCESSFUL COOKING.

okay! so i'm going to borders tomorrow. any suggestions for books?

(if you've suggested any before, there is a very very good chance i've forgotten)

on the list is invisible monsters and haunted by chuck palahniuk, aaand ... well, the list is rather dry right now. flowers for algernon, i guess, but i'd much rather get it from bay books.

Take the Magic: The Gathering 'What Color Are You?' Quiz.

... okay!