this journal is semi-friends only. what does that mean? it means that the majority of my entries will be public. anything that's not will be overly personal, locked to specific people, etc. you're not missing much if you're not reading that, seriously.

( want to be friends? )

... i like how the list sort of degenerated.

IP logging is off, anonymous commenting is on, comments are screened.

This post will be sticky'd in the near future, as a permanent anonymeme of sorts.

If you have any confessions you'd like to make, anything you've been wanting to say or vent about, about anything (me included), you can comment here and say it.

I won't reply (though I can, if you'd like, just ask), and no one but me will ever hear about it.

[addition: if you need to talk, too -- not vent or rant, but you're upset or depressed or, hell, just need to talk -- this is open for it. anonymous if you'd like, i don't care. i don't even have to know you! if you want or need to talk, i'd like to listen.

blatantly stolen from angeling, besides the addition.]

jazzy: okay dear jesus christ
jazzy: i went downstairs to get food! aaand dad hadn't let the dog out so he ripped up the trash bag! which had used cat litter in it! that i had to clean up! right in front of the stove!
jazzy: so i went to get ramen instead of scrambled eggs ... and the bag of ramen had spiders in it!
jun: ................ what
jun: fdshfjshd whsdjfndsmidsf jsdh ho
jazzy: so i freak out and leave to go get food! and the first store had nothing hot! and then i fucking almost hit a fucking sparrow on the way leaving WHO HITS A FUCKING SPARROW
jazzy: THEY'RE BIRDS
jazzy: THEY'RE SUPPOSED TO MOVE
jazzy: and then i went to expensive ~organic~ whole foods but they had scrambled eggs so whatever ............. but mom has a new card and it was declined! so i had to scrounge enough cash together!
jazzy: oh and i almost hit a pole when i was parking at whole foods
jazzy: ....... wow, listing it all off actually makes me feel a lot more :'D about it
jun: ..............
jun: that
jun: ... i don't even
jun: and this is in, like, what, 40 minutes?
jazzy: PRETTY MUCH

Baby-sitting right now, so I probably shouldn't be online, but whatever okay they're upstairs with their friend and I'm just playing around with their piano like an idiot.

ANYWAY.

May's home for good from the vet's. It was deeefinitely scary there for a while: she got to come home for a few days, but then it turned out that either her iron or T cell* levels were about half what they needed to be, so we had to bring her back over the weekend for a full blood transfusion. At first the vet told us to, um, "steal a fat cat from the neighbors" so we could steal some blood and bring it back.

Yeah.

But the neighbors take awful care of their cats and we didn't want to risk her catching anything, so we just used his fat cat which makes me wonder why he didn't suggest that to begin with. It all went great, she's home, and she's back to being fucking pissed off at the world, especially since I have her locked in the dog's giant crate until she's fully recovered enough to go outside.

Arman and Mom both have swine flu— I was actually kind of worried about leaving Mom at home, because her fever hit 102.3 this morning, but she told me to go, so. Dad and I keep offering to make them bacon, which they don't seem to appreciate at all. Bastards.

THAT IS PRETTY MUCH IT. I want to play the Persona remake so bad so someone better strip that firmware upgrade soon. If P3PSP has it, I'll cry blood.

oh also! I thiiiink I might want to think about thinking about getting back into RPing sometime soon. This is a very dumb idea, because next semester's coming up and I'm doubling my courseload, but what the hell. MOOD: QUIXOTIC.

nooow to finish summarizing my drug legalization chapters for ethics. how exciting.

OH ALSO ALSO: PROTESTS STARTING UP AGAIN IN IRAN, FUCK YEAH.

Okay, so. Final diagnosis is a broken rib and a punctured lung. Not good, obviously, but ... she was so, so fucking lucky. There's an infinite amount of things that could have happened, the vast majority of them fatal. If one of the punctures on her side had ripped, she would have likely been disemboweled. There are more on her head, but none of them hit her eyes or throat.

The problem right now is that she's still not eating — as soon as she starts again, she can come home. And we really, really need her to come home: apparently the bank jacked up the mortgage an extra thousand, anyway, and this has racked up ... a lot. Way more than we can afford. She's been at three different veterinary hospitals, and only one's willing to work out a payment plan — the worst of the three, of course, but we have to transfer her back tomorrow. And my brakes went out the day before all this happened, and it turned out I had a cylinder leak, and that cost $600 on its own.

The main problem right now, besides finances, is getting the cats in at night. Now that we know coyotes apparently can and will come this far down, we need to keep them all in before dark, obviously. The only person besides me who's even slightly competent at it is Mom, and I'm at class from 1 to 7 PM, soooo I pretty much have to rely on her for this. And we all know how well relying on either of my parents tends to go. Arman's already fucked up twice and let one or more cats get out, and when it happens, Dad just keeps watching TV and doesn't even bother getting up. I ... don't know what to do, honestly. I really don't.

I've been feeling nauseated a lot this week, but I'm not entirely sure whether it's actual sickness or stress. Probably the latter, honestly. I didn't go to class on the Tuesday it happened ... which was, of course, the day I had Comparative Religions, with the one teacher that caps absences at two before he drops you. And of course I've already had two. I emailed him and offered to show documentation from the vet, and if he does try, I'll pitch a fit and contact administration: college rule is that they can't even think about any sort of disciplinary measures until four absences.

This is all tl;dr, and I'm really sorry. I know no one actually cares! I just really need somewhere to vent so I don't obsess, and I don't have anyone in real life who wants to hear it. I can't even talk to Mom — she's way more stressed than I am, especially since she has to lie to Dad about how much this costs so he doesn't call the vet and tell them to just put her down without letting us know. Yeah, he's a fucking winner.

jesus christ. jesus. Okay!

I was procrastinating on my midterm paper, and then my dog started freaking out. He freaks out when anyone so much as opens their car door, so I didn't think it was a big deal, buuuut it was 2:30 and he kept barking. So I looked out the window and saw four coyotes on the lawn, standing over something.

I fucking sprint down the stairs, obviously, aaaaand it turns out they were over Maya. She is, for the record, the first cat that was ever solely mine, the first cat I ever picked out, and my fucking baby. They bolted as soon as I came near them, then she crawled under the car and wouldn't come out.

Long story short, I get her out, Mom and I bring her to the emergency vet (just as it starts raining in my car with the shot breaks, fun). She's just about stable right now. They'll tell us if we can transfer her to the regular vet in the morning.

Just. jesus. I don't even know. I'm still in shock, I think. She was near the edge of the lawn, which means she attacked the coyotes first, which is totally fucking typical of the little bitch. One cat, four coyotes, THEY NEVER SAW WHAT HIT THEM.

I'm skipping class tomorrow, obviously. My comparative religions prof only allows two absences and this'll be my third, so, uh, I hope he's got some shred of compassion. Aaand my goddamn midterm paper's due, but I couldn't care less right now.

The dog gets a fucking bucket of milk bones, man. A. Fucking. Bucket.

WOW it's been a long time since I've updated. Huh!

So. So! Uh. Life. If I had made this post, say, a week ago, I could say how well I'm doing in classes, how things are pretty great life-wise, blah blah blah. Buuuut I kind of crashed on Wednesday night and now I'm convinced I'm going to fail all my classes and live in a cardboard box somewhere. Objectively speaking, I'm pretty sure this isn't actually true — in fact, I know for a fact I have an A and an A- in two of my classes, but. Iiii don't know. I really wish we had quarter system instead of semester, because it really sucks being thrown straight into normal school from Venture.

I haven't been part of any fandom/RP in at least eight months now, so I'm sure my posts are really goddamn boring. Sorry about that. I don't really have the energy for real life half of the time, let alone sparkly awesome online life. WHY WOULD I DO THINGS THAT MAKE ME HAPPY???

okay okay okay, less depressing stuff. Uh. I've been going to the Berkeley Poetry Slam every week since mid-August or something. It's really great, aaand while I'm not writing any actual prose lately, I am getting out some shitty poetry, at least. So, uh, there's that.

OH. Vienna Teng next weekend. yesssss. I'm saving up to buy tickets to her December San Fran show, too. So. Yeah.

Stolen from beasts, kind of-ish!

Give me a number from 1 to 376, and I will upload the corresponding picture from my fanart macro/.gif folder. Multiples very much welcome!

... It is likely to be either very offensive or NSFW. Goddamn you, /b/.

g-god i'm such a compulsive hoarder. I need Griffin to hurry up and give me the PS2 back.

Games I've Started (but haven't finished)
FFXII (STILL, i know this is shameful)
Persona 3
Persona 4
Shadow Hearts

Games I Haven't Even Started
Devil Summoner 2 (haha PLUSH RAIHO GET)
Fatal Frame II
Silent Hill 2

Games I've Pirated (and still haven't started!)
... pretty much any worthwhile PSP or DS game.

And in an hour I'm driving out to Blackhawk to get Eternal Darkness, fuck yeah. Last one for a whiiiiile, though. OR ELSE I'LL TURN OUT LIKE hezul.

OH, BUT HEY. Since I was a wee creature in the days of the PS1, anyone have any recommendations for games? JRPGs and survival horror preferred, of course. I've got Persona 2, FF7-9, Parasite Eve, and Suikoden waiting.

Also, unrelated, but two posts ago was apparently my 1000th post. I FEEL SO SPAMMY over uh five years or whatever.