// i will try hard to be a spark of power

warwolves @ 2008-03-16T21:02:00

2008-03-17T04:15:11Z

aaargh christ yahoo.

I, honestly, couldn't care any less about Halle Berry's new kid or a ~*90210 spinoff*~ if you put a gun to my head. You would have to stab me with burning pokers to spare it a second's thought, so please, if you don't mind, give us actual news on your front page. I want to know what's going on in Tibet, how we're all going to be fucked tomorrow when the US stock market crashes. I actually don't care about the Everest ban either, because, you know ... I don't. Once again, couldn't really care less. And, Christ, it says something about America that one of the top emailed stories is, '83-year-old woman foils purse snatcher.'

... yes.

i am so sick of the world in general lately, i swear to god :')

warwolves @ 2008-03-13T18:26:00

2008-03-14T01:43:08Z

ALMOST DONE WITH THE NEW LAYOUT, GUYS, THEN I CAN READ MY FLIST AGAIN ;____;

Anyway, hm. I'm arranging an appointment with a psychiatrist sometime soon, because I think it's really time to switch off Lexapro. There's a noticeable difference when I've missed a few days, yes, but it's more ... depressed, apathetic, unemotional, and completely antisocial -> more emotion, but not in a necessarily good way! Anywhoozen, I'm thinking a tricyclic, because I've exclusively used SSRIs and, uh, yeah, about that. Still, if I have to go the SSRI route (which, knowing my mother, will be the case!), I'm thinking sertraline -- so, basically, Zoloft or Lustral. I also need to look at sedatives for the insomnia, because that ... uh, ain't getting any better.

I LOVE HOW MY DOCTORS LET A FIFTEEN-YEAR-OLD DECIDE HER OWN MEDICATION AND DOSAGE :'D

Aaaaanyway, on a less boring note, I

...

FUCK, GUYS, I DON'T HAVE ANYTHING ON A LESS BORING NOTE ;_;

warwolves @ 2008-02-28T21:07:00

2008-02-29T05:10:49Z

I am feeling distinctly unfabulous right now. :(

ALSO, I have been awful about responding to comments lately. IT'S NOT YOU, IT'S ME, GUYS :\ I just ... keep. forgetting. Iiii should probably take my ADD medication, um, soonish.

ALSO ALSO, I ordered Rune Factory yesterday, so it should arrive on Mondayish. WHICH DOES NOT HELP ME IN MY CURRENT CRAMPY STATE, but will be delightful once, you know, I'm perfectly fine. Fantasy + farming = win, amirite guys :[!!!

EDIT; ALSO ALSO ALSO, I really want to make this wonton soup. SOMEONE TEST IT FOR ME ;~; (i have no ingredients!1).

warwolves @ 2008-02-21T23:22:00

2008-02-22T07:43:12Z

If one's too mature to be a teenager and too inexperienced to be an adult, it's a very uncomfortable edge to be standing on. Le sigh.

I have SO MUCH I want to whine about, but I've decided I'm going to ~~internalize~~ cut down on the profuse emo-ing. SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO IN OTHER NEWS, I'm writing, tra la la, and working on a new layout. And by that, I mean staring blankly at the image I want to use. someone send help plz (and by help, I mean people with neat overrides).

fuck lyrics :D!!!!

2008-02-19T18:35:24Z

LOL DAD YOU COMPLETE ASSHOLE :'D

My mom and brother are sick with the flu -- badly sick, as in my brother hasn't gotten out of bed in two days, and my mom only for food for them (lol, dad won't get them any); Arman is coughing his brains out and Mom's lightheaded and nauseated. I'm fine, so of course I'm constantly asking what I can do and running around cleaning and making myself useful, but Dad ... hasn't! He was pissed off and giving us the passive-aggressive Persian routine last night because my mother has been SO SELFISH staying in bed, and it's INEXCUSABLE how he hasn't had any dinner made for him in two days.

NOTE THAT HE'S THE ONE WHO TAUGHT HER HOW TO COOK!

So now, on my first schoolday after being absent three days, he's supposed to drop me off ... and I hear him drive away half an hour before I'm due! Mom's in no condition to drive, and I can't drive, Mom won't let me drive with any of my friends, and so now I have to deal with my school about absences, my mom on how she thinks I'm going to end up dropping out, and my teachers who are pissed I'm missing so much school (though lol not that new). And I'm sure he's going to be RIGHTEOUSLY OUTRAGED when he gets home. :DDDDDDD

DEAR DAD: GROW THE FUCK UP AND STOP ACTING LIKE A CHILD.

warwolves @ 2008-02-05T22:27:00

2008-02-06T06:27:40Z

DEAR YAHOO! AND OTHER MASS MEDIA:

LESS THAN A FOURTH OF VOTES HAVE BEEN TALLIED IN CALIFORNIA. NO ONE'S ONE YET. POLLS AREN'T EVEN CLOSED IN SOME PRECINCTS AROUND HERE BECAUSE OF A SHORTAGE OF (DEMOCRATIC) BALLOTS. THERE IS NO 'HUGE WIN FOR CLINTON' YET, GODDAMNIT.

LOVE, JAZZY

PS: SUPPORT THE WRITERS, END THE STRIKE ♥

warwolves @ 2008-02-04T18:07:00

2008-02-05T02:09:32Z

I'M GOING TO SEE VIENNA TENG IN CONCERT ON SATURDAY

ASDJFHSDHFSDF

warwolves @ 2008-02-03T21:34:00

2008-02-04T05:39:37Z

Note to self: if you're not going to take your medication, dear, it's your own fault when you feel like shit. Suck it up.

ANYWAY, this weekend as been the most boring thing ever, la dee da. I finally got in to a TMJD specialist about my jaw (which can't open more than an inch and a half now, joy), where we learned it's ... not TMJD! It's not that I grind my teeth, it's that I tense my jaw muscles enough so that I might as well be grinding. Blahblahblah internalizing stress, Mom's finally going to get me to a competent psychologist, and I'm supposed to do some sort of cardio for the endorphins. Also, I have to stretch the muscles by sticking tongue depressors in my mouth and gradually adding more. It makes me drool and look very attractive.

...

On the bright side, my mom bought me some calla lilies a few days ago, and my room smells very nice!

warwolves @ 2008-01-27T12:44:00

2008-01-27T20:47:18Z

IS THAT~ YOUR HAND~ ON MY~ GIRLFRIEND~

warwolves @ 2008-01-26T23:20:00

2008-01-27T07:23:29Z

SO I SLEPT UNTIL 9 PM. At least the headache and revulsion towards cold water gave me an excuse, but, still, 9 PM is a stretch even for me. After two ~*Advanced Pain Relief Tablets*~ (read: some crappy acetaminophen, aspirin, and a dash of caffeine) my head feels fine; however, the TMJD is slaughtering my jaw, to the point where I can't chew untoasted sliced bread.

... and yet I feel pretty good right now!

I'm going to be up all night, but no one else is, so there's no need to open my mouth and aggravate my jaw; I feel the MUSE HAS COME UPON ME, so I can write; my cat is being slightly less neurotic than usual.

ALSO, JUN: I DREAMT ABOUT SNOW GEESE :')!!!! I was at this weird indoor/outdoor zoo/aquarium type thing and they had BABY SNOW GEESE and I had to keep them from getting out of their pen or else they'd die. so it was a rather stressful event.

And then ('then' being a good time after this) I was on this ... it was a forest area, but there was an incredibly steep slope, and it went straight down to a creek. The area on the slope and around the creek was all dirt and rocks and small shrubbery, which means perfect snake territory, and I went down and there were snakes practically everywhere. I love snakes, so there was no problem with this :'). I was collecting snake skin because I think it's the neatest thing ever, except I was remembering how it's bad luck to touch in in Huck Finn so I was picking it up with sticks and stuff. I found a really pretty red one, but the creek washed it away.

(Note: my dreams almost always make perfect narrative sense, use real-life facts, and often have a strict point-of-view and scene breaks)

ANYWAY so my family was there -- there was this house on the top of the slope, a bit farther back than where it went down, and my dad was sleeping on a lawn chair from it (even though it wasn't our house, oh dad). My mom and brother came down after me, and didn't seem to realize there were lots of snakes until I pointed them out, and then they were all LOL THEY WON'T BITE US!!, which provided, again, stress. I kept lifting up rocks to see if I could find more, and my brother commented that there were maggots (my one fear apart from needles) under a few of them, even though I couldn't see them. So eventually I found a coral snake (and repeated the 'red and yellow' rhyme, man :') ), and I had to keep them away by telling them it's the most venomous snake in the US (which I believe is actually true). .... in fact, all the snakes I saw were native to the US, except for whatever left the red skin.

AND THE REST IS PRETTY BORING. MORE SO THAN THAT.

warwolves @ 2008-01-21T13:36:00

2008-01-21T21:41:16Z

HI GUYS I LOVE YOU I'M SORRY I'VE VANISHED OFF THE FACE OF THE EARTH. For some reason, my flist's text is white (!!!) and so I don't think to post if I can't read my flist! So basically the only contact I've had with, er, anyone is through instant messaging and people saying HEY LOOK AT MY LATEST POST, after which I look at their journal and go "oh god when did she break her arm/get a dog/die ;_;!!!!"

... HI ILU

warwolves @ 2008-01-10T23:54:00

2008-01-11T07:54:07Z

I finished Invisible Monsters.

Wow.

warwolves @ 2008-01-06T18:20:00

2008-01-07T02:37:03Z

OKAY GUYS HELP ME ;_;!!!!!

I have a project due ...... in two days. SO HELP.

I NEED TO AN ACROSTIC LITTLE BOOK THING FOR 'HUCKLEBERRY FINN.'

and no more caps anyway

You kow, "H is for 'Huckleberry', U is for 'uckleberry,'" and then a paragraph of explanation, EXCEPT IT CAN'T BE THAT LAME. Each letter stands for a theme of the book or a character trait of Huck's.

... SO HELP. ♥?

H - human nature (partial theme of the book)
U - upriver (Huck/Jim start off upriver + 'upriver' fight w/racism)
C - cunning (Huck's pretty damn cunning)
K - kindness (huck is one of the few people kind to jim. ♥ dots)
L -
E -
B - belonging (huck often feels as if he doesn't belong. ♥ deceive)
E -
R - racism (duh.)
R - religion (semi-theme of the book. ♥ yamakasi)
Y - young (for how worldly huck thinks himself, he really is rather young)

F - family (huck has no real family. ♥ yamakasi)
I -
N - negro (again, duh. ♥ dots)
N -

warwolves @ 2008-01-03T22:22:00

2008-01-04T06:27:10Z

GO GO OBAMA~!!!

history just hasn't happened yet

2008-01-04T05:45:11Z

【THE TIME CAPSULE MEME】

Comments are very much appreciated -- even if it's something stupid, or you can't think of anything good to say. I want to remember the friends I had (and hopefully will still have) ♥

warwolves @ 2008-01-03T07:23:00

2008-01-03T15:34:55Z

I finally found hon-dashi stock, so OYAKODON IS GO \o/

well uh as soon as i get the other ingredients. which probably won't come for another few hours, considering it's 7:30 in the morning.

BUT YES I WILL REPORT ON HOW DELICIOUS IT IS UPON MY SUCCESSFUL COOKING.

warwolves @ 2007-12-31T04:33:00

2007-12-31T12:38:15Z

okay! so i'm going to borders tomorrow. any suggestions for books?

(if you've suggested any before, there is a very very good chance i've forgotten)

on the list is invisible monsters and haunted by chuck palahniuk, aaand ... well, the list is rather dry right now. flowers for algernon, i guess, but i'd much rather get it from bay books.

warwolves @ 2007-12-30T19:45:00

2007-12-31T03:45:59Z

Take the Magic: The Gathering 'What Color Are You?' Quiz.

... okay!

warwolves @ 2007-12-27T04:47:00

2007-12-27T12:47:51Z

this new layout customizing page makes me want to shoot myself in the head :DDDDDDDDD

IS THERE NO OPTION TO, YOU KNOW, ET IT BACK TO WHERE YOU CAN ACTUALLY USE IT?

warwolves @ 2007-12-23T19:48:00

2007-12-24T03:49:16Z

I CLEARLY CAN'T FUNCTION AT A LEVEL HIGHER THAN A SEVEN-YEAR-OLD WITHOUT MEDICATION.

warwolves @ 2007-12-22T19:29:00

2007-12-23T03:29:32Z

You know, I really should see a regular physician, not just a psychiatrist. I'm feeling better lately, yeah, but my concentration is totally shot (moreso than usual!) and I'm getting irritable about the tiniest things. I read instructions, and then I totally blank out on them (NEON CAN ATTEST TO THIS). That might not be psychological, so, hm.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANYWAY

...

i liek mudkipz :)

and now for something completely different

2007-12-22T08:38:18Z

Memetime!

Go to your music player of choice and put it on shuffle. Say the following questions aloud, and press play. Use the song title as the answer to the question. No cheating.

1. How does the world see me?
gyroscope - don't let the light in. Uh.

2. Will I have a happy life?
snow patrol - run. asdfasdjfsd.

3. What do my friends really think of me?
stephen lynch - hermaphrodite. WAAAAAIT A MINUTE :[

4. Do people secretly lust after me?
blue october - amazing. That's not very concrete :[

5. How can I make myself happy?
danny elfman - kidnap the sandy claws. WELL, THAT WOULD HELP, YES.

6. What should I do with my life?
stabilo - paperboy. ...

7. Will I ever have children?
blue octover - sexual powertrip (one big lie) bla bla. incest is best ... ?

8. What is some good advice for me?
vienna teng - whatever you wants. ahahah oh hardly.

10. What is my signature dance song?
system of a down - aerials. You can't dance to that :[!

11. What do I think my current theme song is?
envy on the coast - mirrors. well, it's certainly my current favorite song.

12. What does everyone else think my current theme song is?
the red jumpsuit apparatus - grim goodbye. ....................

13. What song will play at my funeral?
danny elfman - town meeting song. lol :')

14. What type of men/women do you like?
wintersleep - the one i love. THAT'S REDUNDANT :[

15. What is my day going to be like?
thrice - red sky. Thank you ever so much.

Part II

1. What is your love life like?
a perfect circle - pet. o_o

2. What is sex with you like?
of montreal - when a man is in love with a man. LOLOLOLOLOL

3. What's your life motto?
blue october - chameleon boy. waaaay too close to be funny.

4.What do your parents think of you?
monty python - the spanish inquisition part 1. :')

5. What does your best friend really think of you?
vertical horizon - best i ever had. ilu too hearts;

6.What's your favorite hobby?
stand still - i saw daddy kissing santa claus. LOLOLOLOL

7. What's the worst thing about you?
smash mouth - stoned. WHAT.

8. Describe your mind.
the string quartet - time is running out. oh, you have no idea.

9. How will you die?
hoobastank - crawling in the dark. ............................ this meme is freaking me the fuck out ;___;

10. How does your crush/S.O. feel about you?
vienna teng - unwritten letter #1. jskhdfaksjfd.

11. What is your wedding going to be like?
panic! at the disco - i write sins not tragedies (live - acoustic). I SWEAR I DIDN'T CHEAT WTF

12. What about your honeymoon?
stabilo - happiness and disaster. Thanks for the reassurance!

13. Describe the last day of your life.
stephen lynch - bowling song. ......

14. Why does life suck?
t bone burnett - zombieland. YOU ARE QUITE RIGHT, iTUNES: ZOMBIES DO MAKE LIFE SUCK.

15. Why does life rule?
flogging molly - pirate song. PIRATES DO MAKE LIFE RULE.

16. What will you be famous for?
poe - could've gone mad. great.

warwolves @ 2007-12-21T23:57:00

2007-12-22T08:19:02Z

Posting about this here because, well, no one really knows. It's not in the American Yahoo! News (... though it is in New Zealand's), nor most large blogs.

The Lakota tribe have withdrawn from all treaties with the United States and have begun movements to fully secede.

We are no longer citizens of the United States of America and all those who live in the five-state area that encompasses our country are free to join us," long-time Indian rights activist Russell Means told a handful of reporters and a delegation from the Bolivian embassy, gathered in a church in a run-down neighborhood of Washington for a news conference.

A delegation of Lakota leaders delivered a message to the State Department on Monday, announcing they were unilaterally withdrawing from treaties they signed with the federal government of the United States, some of them more than 150 years old.

They also visited the Bolivian, Chilean, South African and Venezuelan embassies, and will continue on their diplomatic mission and take it overseas in the coming weeks and months, they told the news conference.

This is a map of the US, with how much the Lakota were promised in yellow, and how much they actually have in red.

Background information can be found here. I got most of this from greenanarchy over here.

All I say is that this warrants very, very close watching.

and hand in hand we stand protesting while everyone is still asleep

2007-12-21T12:47:13Z

all the walls of your house
were painted in deep blue,
you're at that indecisive age to choose colors that reflect you;
and everything and nothing
is in the space between all things,
that fascinates as much as it agitates,
words turn me into what I say, as

you pull your yellow-stained fingers
through your unkept hair,
I noticed that the corners of your jeans
were folded neatly into squares.

your thoughts are the strangest place that you've ever been,
stranger even than Los Angeles;
it's like a cinema where they never ask you to leave.

Idlewild - "The Space Between All Things"

[riddled especially should download this: idlewild reminds me a bit of wintersleep]

warwolves @ 2007-12-20T19:27:00

2007-12-21T03:30:24Z

It's Thursday, tomorrow's the first day of winter break, and the only bad thing that's happened this week is my mom throwing out my red-bean balls.

THIS IS GOING TO BE GREAT, DAMMIT.