I think I'd like to get back into theatre. It's been ... oh man. Years. I gave up in freshman year, I think, because I was having trouble memorizing monologues for auditions. But I've been diagnosed with ADD since then, and so have delicious* medication to prevent such things. And I really, really love being on stage. The trouble is, of course, figuring out just how to get back to it. Maybe I'll take some drama courses at DVC? hmmmmmmm.
It's very hard to imagine that I'm graduating in about three months. I'm starting off in community college, thanks to trashing my grades last year, so the transition won't be too rough, but it's the principle of the thing. I still haven't decided whether to go for English teacher or psychologist, but I have time! And either way, I can still get an English degree.
It's just surreal, you know? I mean, I'm sure it is for everyone. Phases of life, transitioning into adulthood, blah blah.
I feel both intensely, viscerally different and, at the same time, completely the same from when I was going into high school. I'm really fortunate when it comes to the high school experience. I went in completely miserable, with self-esteem in the negatives, wanting to kill myself, and maaaaybe two friends. And now! I'm only miserable some of the time, my self-esteem is a complicated but (in general) more positive thing, I do not want to kill myself, and there are actual people I care about who care about me, too. I've changed, as everyone does when going through high school.
I think I've changed the most in the last ... year or two, maybe. Especially the last year. I used to be a lot more neurotic and high-strung, and I've ... mellowed, I guess. A good part of that is the depression getting worse (or at least spreading its roots deeper), which obviously isn't a good thing! But a lot of it is natural. At least, I hope so. Who knows!
I'm feeling very tired and very ... not nostalgic, per se. I hate looking back; there's nothing I want to look back at. No regrets, no regrets. It's easier not to regret things when you don't think of them at all. I'm feeling tired and very rambly, and very introspective, I guess. Not bad, though! Just mellow. And cold.
I think I like who I am now. That's what it comes down to. I haven't lost all of my bad points -- I've gained a few new ones, even. But that's growing up. That's life.
THIS IS ALL A SORRY EXCUSE NOT TO PLOT. Enough talk about cupcakes and camwhores and ... cam cam, ruz ruz, I guess. It's a horrible butchering of a Persian saying (and isn't that a fun language to put into English). 'Little by little, day by day.' ENOUGH. Actual plotting or bed**. Yes.
* This is a lie.
** This is also a lie.